You Can't Be Friends With Your Ex Unless..
- Feb 21, 2017
- 3 min read
~The timing is right, beloved~
I feel solid in saying all of this because I'm in a mental space that allows me to thoroughly analyze my past, emphasis on "my past".
Timing matters the most to me because it allowed for one of my exes to become my best friend. But in the same breath timing has allowed me to see that one of my other exes shall remain muted/blocked on every profile I have that functions through data and wifi.
Granted timing is important for everything in this life, unless you're one of those hoteps who believe time doesn't exist. I'm new to this whole relationship stuff, obviously because I'm 22 and quite frankly my main concern post-puberty has been trying to find my place in society to make money off my passions. In this relatively short span of time I have experienced lust and love because timing showed me that shit could be sweet or obscenely sour.
Timing: YAY :)
Self-adjustments - It was easy for my ex to become my best friend since we broke up because we were in two different states. But maintaining a friendship without getting caught up in my lingering feelings required me to spend time on myself...without him in my life. Timing permits a grace period where you can mourn your relationship, celebrate for dodging any bullets, have a roasting sesh with whoever will listen, etc etc.
My grace period happened during my junior year when I studied abroad in Europe. It worked out perfectly because I was too busy enjoying different cultures to dwell on being without my companion but also the fact that he was moving on at a rapid pace with a plethora of young ladies. (Ha, that took a lot out of me to not be nasty.. thank you grace period)
Old Dog with New Tricks - Timing let me embrace whatever I felt and I was able to communicate with my ex in a healthy way about it. Of course he reached out while I was abroad with a heartfelt message full of well wishes and an apology (duh, he knows me well enough to know that I don't tolerate disrespect in any form so "sorry" was the central theme of the message).
That short conversation while I was abroad lead to a mature discussion when I came back. He got to express his feelings and I was in a much better space to accept him and rebuild. I got the chance to see my old bae in a new light and a clean slate established our new friendship.
Timing: NAY :(
Lost in the Sauce - For the ex I have no communication with, timing showed me that he and I will probably never be on the same page. Unfortunately when you're halfway through the book and I'm still grazing over the table of contents to see if I want to engage, someone (you) gets left in a grey area.
When I was ready for commitment he was trying to get himself together financially but also emotionally because he was interested in an old fling. When he was ready for commitment I was gearing up to move to Europe to soar to new heights (Do you see a reoccurring theme here?). Timing will shit on whatever you thought you wanted to show you that in all reality you can't have it because it's not available.
Misguided Energy - When you can acknowledge that what you want is not available, you can pick between "fight or flight". In this reference, fight for what you want or just move on. In the end he fought until it pushed the limits of his sanity and I caught a flight and took my talents back to Rome.
Timing will show you what's for you and what's not, so when you fight against timing you end up wasting your energy on something that won't be. When you opt for the flight option you can walk away and put your energy into something else while timing shows you what's in your best interest at the moment.
All in all, I would like to thank timing for forcing me to step out of my comfort zone to change my habits to better suit me. Also, please know that I wasn't a princess in both of these relationships, I mean I am a princess, but I had my faults that added to the turmoil. I'll have to get back to you on my problematic behavior in a future post because part of the reason I moved back to Europe was to identify and work on it.
And as a treat for you, this is was my mood while writing this.. Shout out to Drake and Dublin!
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